Doggone it

I want a dog. Another dog.

This is my dog Penelope, and I love her so very much that I want her to have a friend, a buddy, someone to play with. 

Penelope has always liked Robert better. Or at least I think so. I know she loves me, but she doesn't lay on my chest and lick my face like she does with Robert. She doesn't listen to me, like she listens to him. I want a dog that loves me like that. A boy, preferably. A small boy dog, that is mine and that loves me and knows when I'm feeling sad.

It's a lot of responsibility, a living thing. It costs money too, and takes up space. But it's so cold and snowy these days, and all I've been thinking is that there is an old grandpa dog that needs a warm, forever home.

I know that I probably sound crazy. I know I sound irresponsible, and irrational. I know that someone might say that I'm manic, and this is a new project that will be left unfinished. Or a desire that I'm using to distract myself from cabin fever, just a temporary obsession that will pass. But I have been looking for the dog, the dog that I want, for a long time now. And I have proven that I can be more than dedicated to a dog, right? Penelope is happy and healthy, everybody that meets her loves her like I do.

I don't want to be an animal hoarder, I don't want a dog to live in my home and not get everything it needs. But I don't think that will happen. I don't want hundreds of dogs. I don't want a puppy that will be cute while it is small and innocent. I want one old man dog that wants to spend the rest of his days being loved. I want a pair, two, that's all.

I want him.

This may or may not have anything to do with being bipolar. But I've been here before, when I want something so bad that I think about it a lot, and then people don't take it seriously. They consider it a symptom. Obsessive thinking that cannot be trusted. It's true, I might be obsessing, and knowing that it's not going to happen is really hard for me to deal with right now. But this is a normal thing right? Dogs are cute; Disappointment sucks. Any thoughts? Can you relate to these feelings?