It's a night once a year that I have the opportunity to gather with a bunch of my good friends, eat delicious food and celebrate gratitude.
It's the day after but I'm still running on the warm glow of Friendsgiving.
I don't think I realized how much I needed it this year, specifically. Earlier in the day yesterday, my mom called me so we could finalize our Thanksgiving plans. I've known for a while now that this year would be very different from past years and that I would be responsible for more of it than I have been before. But I felt the full weight of it when I realized that it's less than a week away. And I don't even mean that cooking dinner is a burden, though it may be a challenge. I feel heavy with loss. I am grieving over the family I was given, the family that is out of touch and apart.
I understand why it needs to be this way. I really do.
But yesterday, that understanding still found a way of surrendering to the weight, and the grief.
My family is big, loud and chaos is our natural habitat. The holidays always arrive too quickly, we are never prepared, but we always manage to celebrate our togetherness just in time. Usually, the holidays are a reminder of the unconditional love we possess for one another. It is true magic.
Yet here we are. We aren't strong enough this time to pull it together. It was bound to happen, really.
And Max. I don't know if I can actually say more than his name right now. But there's grief there too.
In this time of uncertainty and pain, I am carried by my friends. I have been embraced. I am loved.
This family of mine, this family I have chosen, is everything.
No comments:
Post a Comment