Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Locked in

The beast has got me locked in a grip so unbelievably tight
I can't seem to shake him off.
In truth, he's been latched on for months and
I just haven't wanted to admit it to myself.
Or maybe I didn't see him
for what he was,
is.

And then I started seeing my psychiatrist
again.
She added a little dose of lithium to my psychopharmaceutical medley
and I had a renewed sense of hope.
A good few days where I thought I had found a door,
the beast's weak spot,
a way out.

But now I'm here
and it's hard to put words together
Nothing feels real
and I'm living for everyone else
but myself.

I'm trying to do everything
they all want me to
but it's hard
and it's still not enough
to release me from the beast's
cold
hard
claws.

It feels like there's nothing left
for me to be.

This is all I am. Just this.

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